Do people actually find love, or do they just get tired of looking? Why is it that so many marriages end up in divorce? Is it that someone eventually wakes up refreshed and decides to start looking again...or is it that the shimmery veil of intrigue wears off as conversation and laughter becomes less and less replaced by the daily grind, unflattering pj's, and resentment.
How is it that two people can take the plunge to become life partners and end up strangers? Where does the affection go? How does the breakdown happen? What causes the rifts that eventually turn into canyons? Why are people so intent on having a beautiful wedding and less intent on having a beautiful marriage?
How does my life fit in all of this? Why did my mom feel the need to make a statement about how glad she was that I didn't feel the need to settle when I ended the relationship I had been in for the past 4 years? Why do people think it odd that we didn't get married after being together so long? Why is it that when a women reaches my age she is looked at differently than men in the same age bracket? I don't feel like my options are becoming less and less as I get older...are they? Am I brazeningly laughing my "window of opportunity" in the face? Will my view of what's available scare me into settling as I get older instead of waiting for whatever is holding me back to materialize?
What if I never feel this whatever I think I should feel? What if I pass up perfectly sound partners because it falls short of spectacular? Is this preconceived notion of what my love should cause me to feel real? Or is it just a fabrication created while watching Disney movies as a little girl? I don't believe I have a white knight fixation, maybe just a cool dude on a steed, but who knows? Would I pass up the white knight because he didn't cause me to swoon at first glance?
And how do people find their life partner? Is it really just trial and error? Or is it more mathematical than that? Date x amount of people, guaranteed y amount of good ones, take the ratio, create a matrix, map the data, and presto you have your love coordinates....sigh.
Love without passion is merely a question of net worth and compatibility. I'm not willing to settle just to have a house, an incredible 401K, and an SUV. While I do fight the voice of convention, I just can't seem to gamble my heart on anything less than what I'm hoping to find.
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