I just spent the last few hours at a friend's house listening to the breakdown of her marriage. How nothing seems to be able to be done. How it's not getting better. How he doesn't get it. How he's not willing to go to counseling. How they have the same arguments over and over and over. How it's over.
I'm sitting there feeling overwhelmed. This is above my pay grade. I have no idea what to do, what to say, so I pray. I pray for her. I pray for them. I pray for me. I pray...trying to pray away the loneliness, the pain, the hole inside me, inside them. What is the right course? How can I best help them? What can I possibly offer them if the only option that I have to give them is something that he isn't really willing to do? Why do people stop before exhausting all resources? Why do people have that line that they won't cross? Why do they not stop at nothing. Why?
You are married...this is a non-negotiable. There is no stop, no line, no divide between what you will and won't do to grow. How can you hold back from something that could help? Why will you not "go the extra mile." Why are you fighting? These are all things I wish I could say to him. These are all things that need to be said, challenged. Why are people so protective of themselves when it comes to marriage? What are you protecting yourself from? Your spouse, your pain? How has that been working out for you? Are you or your marriage in a better place than a year ago?
Frustrating for me. So completely frustrating to see when others are blind. Or am I the one blinded? Blinded by hope in something that I've never fully experienced, only felt, that it is possible. Cut short before it had a time to actualize, I am left only with these ideas of what I think our relationship would have been. I have these ideas that Jon and I would have been different. But is this true? Would we have been different? Would we have exhausted everything for our relationship? Would we truly have had no stopping point. No proverbial line drawn in the sand. In truth, I'll never know. But I cling to the hope that this kind of relationship could exist.
If I live my whole life and never find it, that's ok. I will not settle for anything less.
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Blindness is brought upon by not looking to God for the answers. God is the light and the hope and the answer. Why do we fight it? I do not know the answer. No human is perfect and no God-believing human is anywhere near perfect. When disconnect, stubborness, anger, confusion, fear exist....this is not God. God wants to bring clarity, freedom, joy and above all no fear! Why do these things happen? It's our human nature. It's our choice. God is there and waiting patiently with open arms. No human relationship on earth can compare with the relationship with God. When you ask why? Seek God.
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