Bruise

There's a bruise on my calf from our last bike ride,
It appeared the day after you died.
All black and yellow, painful to the touch,
I remember being surprised when I found it.

This large, ugly, angry mass on my inner calf,
And then I remembered the rain, the ride, my fall, our laughter.
(Your hands in mine as you helped me up.)

It's been over a week now and the bruise has softened somewhat.
No longer angry and black,
It's edges confusing and blending into one huge dark chocolate blob on my calf.
It's no longer painful unless pressed really hard.
Every once in awhile I squeeze it to see if it still hurts.
The reaction is slowly becoming less and less.

I know eventually that the huge bruise on my calf will become non-existent
It will heal and the purplish mark will meld back into my skin.
I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since my bruise
Sometimes it feels like forever, and sometimes it seems I'm still falling.

I worry what will be left after the bruise goes away.
Will I forget it was even there?
Will I long for its return?
Will I be scared to ride again?

I know bruises heal in their own time...
I wonder how long it will take.

I'm not ready for it to be gone.